How to Take Back Control of Your Time & Energy

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If you’re anything like me, you struggle to say no to others. 

That’s because you’re a giver. Some might say…a people pleaser. And you want to be helpful to others.

There are times when you’ll say yes because you want to. It’s one of those “Heck yes! Sign me up!” moments. But on the other side of saying yes because you want to, is saying yes because you think you’re supposed to or simply because you couldn’t possibly think of letting someone down. You might even feel terrified of what they’ll think of you. 

So you volunteer to lead this year’s fundraiser at your son’s school. You agree to take on another side project at work. You decide to lead this summer’s book club for your local university alumni chapter, because how much of a time commitment could it really be?

But suddenly, in addition to all the everyday responsibilities of work and life, you’ve got a second to do list of things to get to and you find yourself burnt out, overwhelmed and wishing you hadn’t said yes to ALL THE THINGS. 

We think we can be superwoman until the exact moment we realize we can’t. 

I was talking about this with a client recently, who came to me wanting to learn to set better boundaries, prioritize herself and take back control of her time. 

During one of our sessions, I asked her: “Do you ever say yes to something and then, when the time comes, desperately wish you’d said no?”

She laughed and immediately replied: “Oh definitely. I do this so often I’ve got a name for it. Whenever this happens, my husband tells me I go into ‘let’s get it over with’ mode.”

I instantly knew what she was talking about and my guess is that you might, too. 

“Let’s get it over with” mode is the state of being where you physically show up to do something you’ve previously agreed to, only to mentally wish you were anywhere else. You show up, get it done and move on and the whole time you’re doing the thing, you’re simply wishing you were back home, snuggled up with a cup of tea and your favorite Netflix show.

Now, I know that it’s not possible to absolutely love the heck out of everything on our to-do lists. Things like going to the DMV, washing the dishes or getting my teeth cleaned aren’t things I’m ever super jazzed and excited about (although strangely enough I know there are some of you that LOVE that fresh feeling after a trip to the dentist). But my message today isn’t about the regular day to day responsibilities of living. 

This is about consciously taking control of your time and energy by learning pause before saying yes to anything and everything.

When you say yes and then show up in “let’s get it over with” mode, you aren’t bringing your best self to the situation. You’re there, but you’re not REALLY there and the people in your life deserve the version of you that’s present. They deserve the version of you that’s well rested and energized and not someone who’s daydreaming about being home in their sweatpants.

After working through the importance of setting boundaries to protect her time and energy, my client reported back to me a few sessions later that when asked to take on a big project at work, she asked if she could take a day to assess her workload and ensure that she could bring her best self.

We celebrated that win, because taking on something you don’t have capacity for doesn’t yield your best work.

And it doesn’t allow you to live your best whole and complete life.

You won’t always get this right. I don’t always get this right. But with intention, we can start to be really conscious of what we give our time and energy to.

Ideally, we give our best selves to others, while also honoring and nurturing that we need to give to ourselves as well.

Sure, you could probably add one more thing to your calendar right now, but do you want to?

The power is in the pause.

The next time someone asks you to do something, pause before saying yes and evaluate, will I really want to be there or will I be dreaming of getting it over with?

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