The Most Beautiful Act of Self-Love
Two hands that come together to form a heart around a beautiful yellow and orange sun, setting in the sky behind them.
Someone once called me “the no girl.”
I was six months into a new role where I was determined to heal from burnout. My new position was a chance to start fresh and return to who I was as a whole human before I gave all of myself to my work. I was previously grounded in my identity as “the yes girl,” which meant I was the person who always did whatever it took and worked as many hours as required to get the job done. But I didn’t like this side of me and knew that a necessary part of my healing was going to come from learning to set and uphold boundaries.
And in that new role, I made a decision. I decided that I was still going to give my best, but I was going to set clear boundaries. I was going to be honest with myself and my managers about what I could and could not commit to. I was going to say no when I was at capacity and get better at asking for help.
Six months in, I was working through a challenging project and told one of my co-workers that we would have to say no to an additional request in order to maintain our focus and meet the original deadline for the project. “Be careful,” she replied. “People have been talking about how you’ve been pushing back lately.” She had heard through the grapevine (a.k.a. the corporate gossip machine) that I was earning the reputation as “the no girl.”
It triggered me. Big time.
I couldn’t possibly be the no girl! “No people” let others down. “No people” can’t get their job done. “No people” aren’t good enough! And I immediately started to think of ways I could work harder or put in more hours so that I could say yes and get it all done.
But getting it all done usually meant working long nights and weekends. Giving up my personal life. Having less time for my hobbies. Not living as my whole self.
Anxiety filled my bones, and then it hit me…
The fact that I was saying no, meant that I was healing. That I was stepping into a new way of being and honoring myself. And my ego was hella uncomfortable with that.
Saying “no” instead of always trying to do it all is a beautiful act of self-love. THE most beautiful act of self-love. It’s you, choosing yourself.
Now, can we say no to every challenge that comes our way? I wouldn’t go that far. Sometimes, we do need to step up and do the hard thing or rearrange priorities. But the important takeaway here is that you’re conscious and mindful of every yes and every no.
And now, I’ll ask you: Do you say yes because you can whole-heartedly show up well? Or it is because you’re afraid of having a reputation for saying no?
Rest assured that when that when I do say “yes” these days, you’re going to get 100% of me. My best effort and my strongest commitment.
Guard your yeses so that you can say the same thing too.
On the left: Text reads “Free Guide: How to Jump-Start Your Personal Growth in 6 Easy Steps.” Below is a radio button that says “Give me the guide!” and by clicking the photo, you are directed to a page where you can learn more about coaching with Lauren.
On the right: A picture of the cover of the free guide using Lauren’s branding colors (gold and shades of blue green) and logo (a series of crossed lines representing the integration of life and career, client and coach).
