The Story of the Seashells

I had done it again. The thing I caught myself doing over and over and over again. 

I knew it was a problem and I wanted to stop, but it was a habit I had gotten myself into that I couldn’t seem to break. 

I had over-extended myself. 

My calendar was full to the brim with both personal and professional commitments and my energy was low. I said “yes” to too many things and was giving all of me to everyone else. I had nothing left for me and no space to rest and recharge.

It was a Friday afternoon and I picked up the phone, tears in my eyes, and called my friend Sarah.

From the moment she picked up, she was ready to listen. She asked all the right questions and gave the best advice. Her advice was this:

You can’t pick up all the pretty seashells.

Imagine this: you’re walking along your favorite beach. Toes wiggling in the sand. Waves crashing up on the shore. And as the sun beams down and warms your skin, you are looking around for treasures. You’re looking for the prettiest seashells to bring home and call your own.

As you begin to walk, you slowly add seashell after seashell to your hand. This one looks good! This one is unique! This one is pretty! Your hands are literally full. But the person you’re walking with says you HAVE to take this one. They NEED you to take this one. So you add one more. And one more becomes another and suddenly your hands are overflowing with seashells.

This is what happens when you over-commit yourself. When you say “yes” to anyone and everything asked of you. Even the things that you want to do. Even the things that are great opportunities. You can’t possibly do them all. You can’t possibly hold ALL the pretty seashells.

Cue the big “ah-ha” moment! The best kinds of friends (and coaches) help you arrive at them.  

I tell this story because I know what it feels like to wish you could do it all. To wish you had room for all the pretty seashells. They’re shiny. They’re interesting. They’re impressive. And if you could just find a way to carry them all, you’ll prove to the world that you’ve got it goin’ on.

But on this quest to become superwoman, you end up feeling burnt out, exhausted and overwhelmed.

So my challenge to you is this: the next time someone asks something of you, or you’re presented with a new opportunity, I want you to pause and ask yourself these questions: Do I have room for this in my life right now? And if not, what will I say “no” to in order to make room?

Because every time you say “yes” to one thing, you’re effectively saying “no” to something else. 

And me? I was always saying “no” to rest. To peace. To space. And now, all of those things are non-negotiables in my life. By asking yourself these questions you can better guard your energy, time and mental health.

You don’t have to do it all. And you certainly don’t have to prove anything to anyone by trying to do so.

And one final hot tip: find yourself a friend like Sarah.